Time to say goodbye

      When I created this blog in 2012, it was meant to be an emotional outlet. I went through depression and anxiety. I was unstable. I have since used it for almost three years and throughout this time I had not yet healed. For three years it was my crutch to lean on and I filled it with all of my emotions. For three years I bared my soul to this sanctuary. For three years I have suffered loneliness, depression, and extremely low self-esteem. At first when people started noticing, I masked it. I have since been masking a great deal of turmoil inside me. I woke up in the morning, put on my makeup, and hoped that none of my pain was showing. I kept telling myself to be strong and just deal with it.
      Now I know that I'm not strong, but that's okay. I have faced what I'm going through and it is the first step to my recovery. As I look back through all my entries, I remember the stories behind each and every one and how much pain there was. This blog in itself tells a story; a story about me.
      Recently, I began talking to people. They made things easier. I had been going around in silent pain for so long that unloading felt so right. It was like I was waking up from a three year nightmare. I was still shaking from the terror and my limbs too weak to stand on but at least I'm awake.
       And so I think that it's time to say goodbye to this blog. I leave it here for the world to see, as ugly and painful as it is. I hereby dedicate this site to all those who have ever felt trapped, depressed, or lonely. I hope that these entries may allow them to know that they are not alone and I hope that they can draw from the good, positive ones as well.

Goodbye for the last time,
<3 Liar, Liar, Lizzy

free

My spirit is free
my soul is on fire
I'll run and truly
I will never tire

like an eagle I'll soar
like a stallion I'll race with the wind
I couldn't ask for more
in the breeze I will bend

I will run, I will fly
I will dance and I'll sing
I will touch the sky
as I spread my wings

A stallion is wild
and so I shall be
as I run through a field
I'll embody it's beauty

The air currents I'll ride
I'll scream the Amen
my heart bursting with pride
for all that I am

The ocean I'll fly o'er
my fingers I'll dip in the waves
as my freedom out pours
the freedom that my soul craves

And so I will fly
forever I'll be free
I'll run till I die
but free I will be.

Let's pretend

Let's pretend
that we are children
Let's pretend
that we are young

we could be pirates, and then
find a hidden treasure trove
of course we'll need a pen
to document our adventures in skull cove

or we could be spies
with all sorts of mystery and secrets
or maybe bake pies!
molded of mud and violets

we must dance with fairies of course
and weave pretty chains of flowers
of this we'll have no remorse
and then we'll find we have super powers!

I'll wear a cape and you'll hold a shield
we'll fight villains and be friends with batman
we'll run over creek and through field
it'll never be dangerous but we'll do the best we can!

Please, let's pretend

Calm down

Maybe we should just breathe
It's okay to get irritated or even cry
we're all human but we should believe
that too much anger will make us die

just close your eyes
and take a deep breath
feel your heart as it flies
release all your fears and your stress

Mellow out a little bit
I'm not saying repress your feelings
our emotions are exquisite
just let them flow through your breathing

send up a prayer

Such an angry child
she's in such pain and no one sees
that's why she is wild
her pain it grows, help her please

her wounds they fester
her sorrow it deepens
life has lost it's luster
the slope of lies, it steepens

why does she lash out?
why does she resent?
I'll tell you why she shouts
she's sad at present

It's a mask you see
if nothing can touch her
she thinks she will be
stronger and safer

help her please
she just wants a little love
with all the hate she sees
her only love comes from above

don't wake me up

I'm a magic kind of girl

I love fairytales
I revel in mystery
I hate when a story pales
I believe that is true misery

magic holds a wondrous beauty
one I wish would never end
a nod and a wink are truly
a game that back and forth I send

I love my games
I love my fantasies
I will be wild till someone tames
my wondrous dreams

when things change
I regret my decisions
it feels odd and strange
to be put in these situations

the magic leaves
all whimsy is gone
In a book I flip sheaves
for a magic ending long gone

I don't want the game to end
I prefer it this way
from a distance I will send
a smile to soothe your day

And so I will go on
dreaming and wishing
I'll have all good fun
and my soul will be singing

It's all I ever want
to be allowed to dream
my awakening cannot be abrupt
I must float down a stream

Reality is too harsh
I don't want to face it
Please don't wake me up
Sleeping Beauty couldn't bear it.

fear

   Fear has held me my entire life. I hold so many regrets from my past. So many things I was too fearful to do. I didn't want to wear anything that would offend my sister's sense of style and it stopped me from being who I am. There have been countless times I wanted to say something to someone but was too afraid and I have felt the pain of loneliness since. There were so many school clubs to join and friends to make but I was too scared. My whole life, up to this point, I've been afraid. I just need someone to give me courage. 

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all." -Princess Diaries