don't wake me up

I'm a magic kind of girl

I love fairytales
I revel in mystery
I hate when a story pales
I believe that is true misery

magic holds a wondrous beauty
one I wish would never end
a nod and a wink are truly
a game that back and forth I send

I love my games
I love my fantasies
I will be wild till someone tames
my wondrous dreams

when things change
I regret my decisions
it feels odd and strange
to be put in these situations

the magic leaves
all whimsy is gone
In a book I flip sheaves
for a magic ending long gone

I don't want the game to end
I prefer it this way
from a distance I will send
a smile to soothe your day

And so I will go on
dreaming and wishing
I'll have all good fun
and my soul will be singing

It's all I ever want
to be allowed to dream
my awakening cannot be abrupt
I must float down a stream

Reality is too harsh
I don't want to face it
Please don't wake me up
Sleeping Beauty couldn't bear it.

fear

   Fear has held me my entire life. I hold so many regrets from my past. So many things I was too fearful to do. I didn't want to wear anything that would offend my sister's sense of style and it stopped me from being who I am. There have been countless times I wanted to say something to someone but was too afraid and I have felt the pain of loneliness since. There were so many school clubs to join and friends to make but I was too scared. My whole life, up to this point, I've been afraid. I just need someone to give me courage. 

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all." -Princess Diaries

lonely

Well, here I am. Almost sixteen, attending public school, involved in dance classes, no boyfriend, and I feel like I have no friends. People who know me think I'm crazy and spontaneous but to others I'm not. I have a few friends. It's kinda impossible not to, but at my church and other social gatherings I just feel ostracized. I hardly talk to any boys and the few that I do talk to usually bat for the other team. As I walk past groups of teenagers talking I feel immediate judgment and negativity emanating from their general direction. Is there something wrong with me? It's very hard for me to make new friends but once we are friends I can be as outrageous as I want and have no fear of dislike. Is it possible to be introverted and extroverted at the same time? I believe it is. As complicated as I am I believe at least one thing to be true about myself. I am introverted and extroverted. As I explore these aspects of my personality I find myself falling out of love with it. I feel utterly lonely and just wish someone would hold me tight and tell me it's okay. I stay home all the time and never hang out with friends. I act like I'm okay with this situation but I'm not. I pretend that some people just aren't worth my time and the only friends I have are the only friends I have because I'm picky. This is a front. I want desperately to have more friends. I want to get involved but fear is holding me back. I fear criticism and judgment and whispered insults behind my back. I fear the evils of society. I fear that once I let my guard down I will be hurt. I'm like Rapunzel locked away in a tower, perfectly safe from the outside world but terribly lonely. I guess I just have to wait for Prince Charming to come and rescue me from myself... Liar, Liar, Lizzy